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More and more families are adopting children from overseas, for a variety of reasons. Some people are daunted by the impossibly long waiting periods to adopt an infant in the United States. Others may wish to help children get out of overseas orphanages and have a chance at a better life. Families adopt both infants and older children from overseas. Some families even adopt sibling groups. How do you know if overseas adoption is the right choice for your family?
Adoption of any kind is expensive. With overseas adoption, you can count on paying a hefty agency fee, often over $15,000, to process the adoption. This money goes towards preparation services, psychiatric evaluations, attorney fees, birth parent expenses, developmental assessments and a host of other fees that appear on the international adoption horizon. Another expense to consider is travel expenses. You will make two to three trips to the child’s country. Some countries may require that both parents go overseas for the interview and to fill out paperwork. You will need to consider the cost of plane fare for yourself, your spouse and returning with one or more children. One of you may have to stay in the country for a period of up to two months in order to process the paperwork. While this is a long time to take off from work, it can be advantageous, as it gives you the opportunity to get to know the child who you will be adopting while that child is still in the environment to which she has become accustomed. Nevertheless, for many families, overseas adoption can be prohibitively expensive.
The primary countries that children are adopted from are Russia, China, South Korea, Vietnam and Guatemala. You need to consider whether or not you feel prepared to go to a foreign country where you probably do not speak the language and stay for several weeks. Are you the adventurous type? Are you committed enough to international adoption to undergo the stress of dealing with bureaucrats in the country and coping with the discomfort of extended travel?
You will need to consider whether or not you meet the requirements for adopting a child from the country of your choice. You are more likely to be successful adopting a child through international channels if you are flexible regarding your choice of country. Some countries require that a couple be married for a set number of years, others require that the couple be practicing Christians, some allow single parents to adopt, while others will not even consider it. Know the rules before you allow yourself to fall in love with a child from a country that you may not be able to adopt from. Also be prepared for a waiting period of 6-18 months. This can be difficult if you have already set your heart on adopting a particular child. While this may seem like a long time, it is actually a much shorter time than in the United States, where the waiting time for an infant can be up to seven years.
Is it important to you that your child “matches” your family? If so, you should reconsider adoption entirely. Even if you are of Chinese descent, adopting a Chinese infant carries no guarantee that the child will look remotely like anyone else in your family, or have any of the same personality traits. If you are considering adoption, plan to define your family as being one whose primary goal is one of togetherness, as opposed to sameness.
Are you willing to educate your child about her home country and its culture? What about the language? For a child to feel even minimally secure with new parents, particularly if the child is a bit older, you will need to learn some of the child’s language. Are you willing to embrace this diversity? If so, you are a good candidate. Your child will not be able to ignore her ethnicity, and neither should you. After adoption, it is a good idea to meet with groups of other adoptive parents in your community who have adopted children from the same country. This will provide support for yourself and your spouse, as well as provide your child with increased exposure to her heritage.
Over 50 percent of the children adopted from overseas are over one year old. Having been abandoned or orphaned, and then living in often-overcrowded conditions can cause both emotional problems and cognitive delays. Children need physical and intellectual stimulation in order to thrive, and if the child you are adopting is from an overcrowded orphanage that has been unable to provide these necessities, then you should be prepared to deal with speech delays, motor skill delays and other difficulties. You will not only need to teach the child the skills he or she needs to grow up in American culture, but most likely, you will need to provide intensive one on one work remediating speech delays, especially since the child has the double challenge of learning a language with different sounds than she has been exposed to. The bottom line is that you cannot predict what difficulties your adopted child may face as a result of her early experiences in life. International adoption is more than “saving” the child from an unpleasant situation. It also involves a lifelong commitment to caring for that child, who may have needs that at times can be difficult to meet. Not all children who are adopted from overseas have special needs, but a great many do, so this is something that you should certainly be prepared for.
You will need to follow the same rules for international adoption that you would for adoption in the United States. That is, you must submit to a home study done by a caseworker in order for the agency to determine your suitability as a parent. If you have a background that prohibits you from adopting a child from the United States, you will not be able to adopt a child from overseas, either. During the homestudy, you will be asked about the family’s financial situation, criminal background checks will be done, current health status will need to be demonstrated, and interviews will be conducted with each member of the family. You should be prepared to discuss your readiness for adoption, your ability to support the child, your own family of origin and your parenting philosophy. It is an intensive process, and rightly so, as every child deserves to live in a safe, loving environment where she will be cared for.
If you believe that overseas adoption is for you, you are in for one of the most enriching experiences of your life. Hopefully, patience is one of your virtues, because you will need quite a bit of it. Overall, however, adopting a child from overseas will open the door to a whole new world for your family, including your newly adopted child.
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